How To Practice Self Love, Even Though You’re an Axe Murderer

It’s hard to strike a balance between serial killing and self love. Both are extremely selfish, but both also feel extremely necessary. Murdering is shamed amongst the general public, that’s why it’s important for those who slay to be kind to themselves.

When you have a secret that is buried deep down into your psyche, you need to take yourself on a mani-pedi date. You might not think you need it, but your nails will thank you for cleaning off the dirt, grime and blood. This is an hour and a half of time to self reflect on what you need. Your hands will be tied up and keep you away from the distractions of phones and axes.

When you’re feeling lonely and your muscles are tense, take yourself to donation based yoga. Work has got you stressed and not just in the mind, but in the body as well (Why do you choose an axe?). You need to run through a routine of stretches with a community of people. Each person around you is a potential new best friend. Congratulate them and yourself, you’ll have made it out to a crowded room in the middle of rush hour. Namaste. You are not committing road rage today.

You are a person, with many psychological problems. Electroshock therapy and a heavily guarded prison might fix you, but if you want to practice self love our version is called Promises Malibu.